Not all Mother-in-Laws are evil. Some are very wonderful people who are filled with love, hope and encouragement.
Although not all are evil, some are. I have to address the topic since a Mother-in-Law is in a unique position to encourage or devastate your marriage.
I’ve encountered some MIL (Mother-in -laws) who keep photos of their child’s former girlfriends/boyfriends displayed in the home. Such actions keep the memories or ghost of former lovers alive, rather than allowing them to die a timely death.
There are some who spread rumors of affairs which makes any kind of healing more difficult than it needs to be. Some even work to create situations that fosters affairs.This includes spreading rumors and dropping hints of a ‘possible affair’.
Going to such extremes as giving out phone numbers and arranging dates for the disliked spouse of their child. Although they may not see eye to eye with their child’s spouse, such actions are evil.
The fruit of such actions are detrimental to the whole family. It is akin to poisoning the family water supply. Yes, she may poison the disliked spouse, but her actions, rumors and hate mongering destroys the fabric of the family itself.
I have also seen the passive destruction where the mother plants seeds of doubt, and insinuates affairs are going on. When they are not insinuating affairs, they are making statements about how the disliked spouse is NOT GOOD ENOUGH for their child.
Such MIL’s never pass up a chance to take a dig or launch an insult that comes their way. Such people work around the clock to tear down and destroy their child’s marriage. They often lay awake at night considering what new plan they can put into play. It is as if they can not sleep until they do something devious.
The destruction is made worse by how such evil MIL’s profess love and adoration for their child, while working the whole time to undermine their child’s marriage.
The confused messages of love and hate are contradictory and confusing to deal with. Evil MIL’s make recovery from affairs difficult if not an insurmountable task.
Some of the things that you can do to limit their evil work:
1. Set and enforce clear boundaries
2. Do not tell them any information which they can misuse
3. Do not give them addresses, phone numbers or email addresses of your friends
4. Talk to your spouse about the need for clear boundaries and how it will strengthen your own marriage
5. Do not accept the guilt trips thrown at you
6. Learn to recognize and avoid traps the MIL sets for you
7. Approach each family get together with caution
8. Holidays are especially vicious. Be prepared for them to try something.
The reality of evil MIL’s is why I included a section in the Affair Recovery Workshop on dealing with extended family issues. After your marriage recovers from an affair situation, you’ll still have to deal with family.
In the case of evil MIL’s, the family situation may be hostile and unfriendly. Navigating past those hostilities is part of recovery as well.
Best Regards,
Jeff
