In a recent email, a reader mentioned struggling with temptations as they pulled out of affairs. Although they aren’t having an affair, they continue having thoughts about having one. They fantasize about seducing neighbors and acquaintances rather than having daily interactions.
The thought of having an affair is torment for them. They feel like they’re fighting themselves when it comes to temptation. They’re torn between the thrill of excitement and the distaste of cheating on their spouse.
The reader wanted to know what steps they could take to get over the temptation and move on with their lives. While it might be difficult, there are a few things that can help.
It would be nice if temptation operated like a light switch. If you had the ability to turn it on or off and it stayed that way, dealing with affairs would be easy. The just say “NO” approach for some is a struggle.
Many cheaters and would-be cheaters dream of temptation being easily controlled with a switch. The mantra of “I just wish I could simply turn it off” has been heard by many of you.
Although biologically, the controls for your thoughts technically operate like a light switch, when it comes to controlling them, it’s a Herculean task.
There are reasons why controlling tempting thoughts is so challenging.
One reason is that when you have trained yourself to give in to them, turning them off goes against that training. Your mind has developed a habit of giving in. Those habits don’t change easily. Once they crossed the line of affairs, they know how easy it is.
When you gave in to your temptations, you wore a pathway for your nerves to travel on. Your nerves prefer well-worn pathways and superhighways to seldom-used trails in your brain.
Changing your thoughts can be done, although it requires effort and community. When you have the right tools and techniques, the pathways are changeable. You are not doomed to years of living with the torment of tempting thoughts.
This is where the video, “Overcoming Affair Relapse” can help. In the video, you’ll discover the high-risk situations you are exposing yourself to.
One reason the temptation chases after you is that you are putting yourself at risk. Those high-risk situations and triggers are overwhelming your ability to choose wisely.
Temptation is often an issue for both the cheater and the betrayed. The more you know about it, the better able you’ll be in dealing with your spouse’s temptations.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
