When your pastor has an affair, the results are especially damaging. In having an affair, they damage the reputation of themselves, their church and God himself.
What may have been a wonderful and beneficial ministry is turned into a mockery.
When this happens you’re left stunned and confused. The person that you looked to for guidance has let you down. The staff, which work closely with the pastor often feel the brunt of the damage. They feel as if they lost a boss, a pastor, and a friend.
This situation was always viewed with seriousness, going back to the time of the Exodus. They knew then that when the chief priest fell from grace, they lost their connection with God, which creates alienation for everyone.
Sins of the chief priest were considered more serious than the sins of kings due to the ramifications of the fall.
When this happens to you, what can you do? First, you need to pray for your pastor and each of the staff. During this time, they are often hurting and vulnerable to other matters as well.
Second, consider the question, “What am I to learn from this situation?” rather than “Whose fault is this?” or “Who’s to blame?” Handling it requires maturity from each of the staff.
You will also need to deal with the matter as quickly as possible. The longer an affair continues, the greater the damage done both directly and indirectly.
Dealing with it includes taking action based on ‘facts’, not rumors. Those dealing with the discipline need to only hear and listen to facts, not what people suppose.
Dealing with pastors is made more difficult when the pastor denies what happened. The attitude and actions of the pastor make all the difference in how you handle it.
You will need to deal with the matter in an honest, straight-forward manner. You will need to be truthful without giving sordid details.
It will be important to separate the sin from the sinner. What they did was wrong, and can’t be condoned. They, as a person still need love and support. Learning how to support them without condoning the affair presents a maturing challenge.
Third, you may even have to exercise forgiveness in ways you never have. If you aren’t sure how to forgive or even what to forgive, there’s hope. The video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” guides you through forgiveness.
Since forgiveness is a process, you’ll likely be doing the techniques several times. The deeper the hurt, the more forgiveness is needed.
When you consider that many pastors are not trained in handling dynamics such as ‘transference’ and navigating the emotional needs of themselves and their own families, they are often vulnerable to affairs happening.
There are also many pastors who went into the ministry for dubious motives rather than serving God. What their true motivations were comes out during the handling of an affair and are an important matter to consider.
Best Regards,
Jeff
