One of the saddest questions I have been asked is “Are there any wrong reasons to stay in a marriage?” The question saddens me for many reasons.
It’s always sad when a marriage gets to the point where you have to consider whether your reason for staying is the right one or the wrong one. It’s also sad anytime you have to consider your reasons for staying in a marriage.
These questions are always tough and are asked when you’re dealing with extreme situations. There are also those of you who are in momentary pain and looking for quick fixes.
By asking about extreme situations, you hope to hear an answer that you can use yourself. There are some who are in extreme situations but don’t realize it and don’t ask questions until things are far out of hand.
Each marriage and situation is unique. Each situation has variables to consider. For that reason, there are few one size fits all answers.
The only one size that I find applies is when your life or the life of your children are in danger. In many moral codes, saving lives always trumps other considerations or commitments.
If you’re dealing with a moral code/system where saving lives is not a priority, the danger may be even greater for you and your children.
Even then, you may firmly believe that you love your spouse so much that it can turn things around. You may believe that your love has an exceptional power and that you are an exception to all the rules of reality.
That’s a dangerous mindset. It is one thing to endanger your life, but you are taking things too far to endanger the life of your children.
Although saving life is an out, there are some of you who may not want to use that option.
If your love did not keep your spouse from straying, what makes you think it will work now or that the cheater will suddenly change and your life is suddenly not in danger?
Affairs incite extreme passions. The numbers can’t be argued with.
Couples with an affair going on have a higher risk of threats to your life than non-affair situations. If you stay while the affair is going on, because you believe all the promises that they will no longer hurt you, the odds are against you.
When there are threats to life either in terms of choking, suicidal threats, or throwing dangerous objects at you, there should be ALARMS going off in your head. Your life is in danger.
You need to realize that. Although you may not believe that they would pull the trigger, or choke you all the way, or cut very deep with the knife, you are playing a dangerous game where the odds are not in your favor.
There are definitely some wrong reasons to stay in a marriage. Your motivation for staying often says a lot about you and your marriage. There are also many reasons to stay in a marriage. Knowing the difference between them requires work and effort.
Whether or not you decide staying or going, you’ll need healing. The downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” guides you through the confusion and improves your communication skills.
You’ll also gain awareness of the issues leading up to the affair, so that you can avoid such situations from happening again.
Best Regards,
Jeff
