Few things get me more riled up than blatant lies and truths presented out of balance. There was one time at the mid-week Presbyterian Bible Study, some falsehood was stated that was so wrong I had to speak up.
After identifying the falsehood, I added the statement “That’s a lie straight from the pit of hell”. At that moment, you could’ve heard a pin drop. They were stunned at the strong reaction I expressed. What I said definitely got their attention.
When you hear an untruth that is blatantly false, do you recognize it and confront it or do you just passively tolerate it and go on about your business? What if that lie is so egregious, that it leads others astray and messes up more marriages and families?
One of those blatant lies is the idea of “Forgive and Forget“. There are even some well-meaning people who say if you don’t forget what happened that you didn’t forgive it. (At that point, I’d jump up and identify it as one of them lies straight from the pit of hell). The damage that has been caused by that whopper of a lie is incalculable.
In establishing a connection between forgiving and forgetting, you create a loop of internal self-destruction. Anytime you recall what happened, it makes you think you didn’t forgive. You are penalized for having a well-functioning and intact brain. And that’s ridiculous!
Instead, forgiveness is simply the act of releasing your bondage to the wrongs done against you and giving up your right to revenge. It doesn’t mean you don’t remember what happened or that it didn’t matter.
Forgiveness means you are free from the hurt caused by another person’s wrongdoings and can move on with your life.
The truth is, you never forget. The pathways laid down in your mind don’t disconnect. You can forgive, but you’ll never forget. Those connections and memories associated with them stay there. The meanings may change, but the events that happened, don’t. Your memories can’t be reformatted.
You’ll find out firsthand how ‘forgive and forget’ is from the pit of hell when you try to have no recall of what happened and the torment that anniversary reactions bring.
You are going to remember the affair. You’re going to remember D-Day. You can still forgive, yet the memory of those events remains long after you’ve forgiven.
You can shock your memories out of recall or tone them down with drugs, but they are there, even when they move to your subconscious.
Those advocating ‘forgive and forget’ want to put events behind them. They want to remove the roadblocks. The problem is they want to do it with a minimal amount of responsibility. They want you to forget what they did, rather than hold them accountable.
Accountability means that they have to show you that they have really changed. Forgetting on the other hand is letting them off the hook without expecting any change.
If you want to know more about what forgiveness is without the attached baggage of forced forgetfulness, the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” has the answers you’re looking for. Click on the link and order yours today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
