In the aftermath of D-Day (day of discovering of the affair), there are discussions of many topics. Some of these discussions turn into arguments and fights. In the midst of the fights, the lines between confrontation and hate are often blurred. When they are blurred, the discussions bog down or blow up.
There are some cheaters who are so entrenched in their “mantra”, that they can not hear what you have to say. I use the term ‘mantra’ to describe how they have a line or lines they continue repeating over and over to maintain a mindset that they have. Arguing with them is an exercise in frustration. They are like a broken record repeating the same phrase or set of phrases over and over. “I want to be happy” “This is what will make me happy”. “I only want you and the kids to be happy.” “Living with you does not make me happy” … The ironic thing is that they are usually angry when they are doing all this talk of happiness. The cheater is acting more like a robot at such times rather than a person. They are executing programming they have been given rather than actually engaging with you.
So, when you are faced with a robot, how do you deal with it?
1. Engage them on the level of emotions, not the level of logic
2. Use questions rather than statements
3. When they ask you questions, think first, then answer the questions-do not ignore them
4. Try to have them move. Robots often have stiff movement and need to move other parts of their bodies.
5. If you are humorous, you can try to engage them with humor, if you are not funny-DO not try this.
6. Speak calmly. By all means, do not yell at them.
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Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
