The other day, a wife left the comment, “ He filed quickly and has a ” friend ” but how do you get past the ” it will be good for a while and go back the way it was” line?”
Comments like hers make my heart ache. Hearing how a spouse ‘filed quickly’ signals that someone is looking for a fast exit.
When your spouse files quickly, they are looking for fast solutions. They are taking action before guilt and conviction starts working on them.
Filing quickly also indicates that they’ve been planning the affair and exit for a while. Although moving fast appears impulsive, when accompanied with an affair, there’s behind it.
In my own life, I’ve gotten into more heartache from doing things too quickly rather than waiting for them to work out. Whether it was from speaking up too quickly after being pulled over by a police officer or some of my other adventures.
Impulsivity is what gets you into trouble. Impulsivity gets you into even more trouble when it concerns legal proceedings like filing for divorce.
The damage from the impulsive acts are worsened by lies and lines from the cheater. In the heat of the moment, they say things to you they think will smooth things over.
Those smoothing over lines make the situation worse. You know they’re lying or deceiving you. They know their lying, yet they pat themselves on the back for it claiming they ‘considered your feelings’.
Filing quickly cancels out any smoothing of feelings. In filing quickly the cheater already showed you that they don’t care about your feelings. The feelings they are concerned about are their own.
They know if they waited, they may change their mind. They want to move fast in order to prevent changing their mind.
When a car moves too fast, you hit the brakes. When someone is moving too fast by filing, the answer is the same. Hit the brakes in order to slow things down.
It’s when things are slowed down that you and they can think. During this time, it’s a good opportunity for the “Affair Recovery Workshop”.
Best Regards,
Jeff
