When cheaters begin stalking, it’s a sure sign of trouble. At that point, what may have began as two adults enjoying a time of passion has turned into a stalker hunting its’ prey.
Although it seems very plain that when you unleash animal like passions, you will get animal like behavior, many people don’t see the connection or see it too late. They act surprised when the cheater or the lover, who’s been aroused, starts wanting the other all to themselves. They want to possess them and control them.
As part of joining with the lover, the stalker wants to dominate its prey. At first they have to see what other potential suitors exist. They start chasing away their competition.
If you stand in their way, you become a threat. In their mind, threats need to be eliminated or rendered powerless.
They will begin ‘monitoring’ and screening all their lovers activities. These are people unfamiliar with healthy love relationships. They are not relying on healthy social skills.
They don’t know how to love, instead they ‘encircle and capture’. They are often scared of losing their lover and go to drastic extremes in their attempts to isolate their prey.
It may start innocently with driving by where the lover lives or finding ways of tracing their phone activity, but it’s never enough. They want more.
They want more time.
They begin following their lover to more places. They keep the lover from other outlets.
The stalker may present what they are doing as ‘protecting’ the lover. In their mind, it is protecting, but the lover begins feeling suffocated.
Some stalkers are slick in terms of doing their stalking by means of presents and controlled interactions. When they are wealthy, they have more ways of controlling their victim, without doing it directly.
They have others do their stalking for them. They may even use technology to ‘monitor’ their lovers.
They also use gifts to create a state of dependency, where the lover depends on them. Like two pincers, the monitoring and dependency become a trap, eventually seizing the lover and cutting them off from outside contact.
When the stalking gets very extreme, the whole mindset of “If I can’t have you, no one can” drives the stalkers actions. These kind of stalkers have an all or none mentality. They are dangerous.
Even though they are physically adults, their relationship skills are child like and possessive. They need constant reassurance from the lover that they are still important to them along with being wanted.
In their world, there is no place for sharing, whether it be time or affections. They not only want to possess the lover physically, they want to do it spatially and in every way they can.
They want a total merging with the lover. In such cases, you are not dealing with ‘love’, you are dealing with passion gratification. They want to satisfy their longings.
When you unleash animal-like passions, things happen. You may think that those passions are limited to the bedroom, yet when it is an affair situation, it often puts other things into motion, such as stalking. Animal-like passions will result in animal-like behaviors. It’s that simple.
Stopping such stalking behavior requires skill and planning. You are breaking up what is often termed a ‘drama triangle’. In the ‘Affair Recovery Workshop‘ I address these drama triangles and ways of dealing with them.
When you know what to do, you no longer have to feel helpless.
Best Regards,
Jeff
