One of the blow-off lines often used by family members to silence discussions about affairs and their impact is the question, “Isn’t it time to put that behind you?” By using this technique the adulterers avoid serious discussion of the issues related to the affair. I have seen this technique used for years to put off dealing with the affair and its related issues. Although there is some face validity to the question, it ignores the point that there is no statute of limitations on hurt and pain. If affairs were “acceptable” and not wrong, then why do they inflict so much pain over so many generations.
Although nations like England are telling parents to avoid giving morality lessons in an effort to avoid such issues, all this will do is prolong the pain. When the issues are not dealt with, they are not resolved. Some of the issues that need attention are the lies, betrayal, trust, loyalty, abuse of power, guilt and shame. Adulterers may use many types of mental sumersaults to rationalize and excuse the affair, like “I deserve happiness”, “It is between adults”, “No one was hurt”, and other lines. They put off dealing with the pain, but do nothing to bring healing to the hurts. Although the English ministers claim that they do not know what is right and what is wrong, answers can be found. It does not take an advanced degree to know that lies, betrayal, deceit, disloyalty and cheating are wrong. Such approaches are a close cousin to the strategies used by infidels in putting off discussions of the affair for years hoping that it will all ‘just go away’. It does not just go away, for the resolute spouse, for the children, for the parents, for anyone. Instead of being time to put it behind, it may be time to finally get honest and discuss the issues with their associated hurts and find ways to live with the choices made and heal the pain.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
