One of the frustrating aspects of dealing with affairs is the playing of games. One of the more common games is “acting honest”.
In this game, the cheater acts as if they’re honest. They answer questions, but only when the “right” questions are asked. The challenge is discovering what the ‘right’ questions are.
Even in their answers, the cheater only provide portions of the information. Like pieces of a puzzle, the cheater provides the pieces needed to get them “off the hook” rather than the whole picture of what occurred.
Whatever answers they give, make them look good and innocent.
Another game, is “playing the victim”. This is when the cheater acts as if they were the victim in what occurred. They sincerely believe that the inquisitiveness of the other spouse is the problem, NOT their cheating.
In this game, you are viewed as the ‘bad guy’ for questioning them and their behaviors. You are viewed as having trust and control issues. Your distrust is identified as being problematic rather than their cheating being a problem.
“Playing dumb” is another common game. In this game, the cheater puts on a puzzled face and remarks “I do not know what you are talking about”. In some cases, they do not. One can tell if it a game, by whether or not they are too calm in their responsiveness to the questioning.
These are just a few of the ploys cheaters use to avoid accepting responsibility for their actions. These are forms of communication games used to avoid dealing with what happened and when they need to do.
If you’re tired of playing ‘affair games’ and want to get your marriage back on track, there’s hope. The Affair Recovery Workshop guides you in ways of turning your communication around. Rather than suffering in quiet desperation or getting caught up in game playing and fights, the two of you can instead work at improving your marriage relationship, increase intimacy and make your marriage better.
Best Regards,
Jeff
