One of my sons often jokes about how he is often distracted by bright, shiny objects. Although it has become humorous for us, in many families, you find that the cheater is often distracted by bright, shiny objects as well. The cheater is often drawn away with visual stimulation. The ‘bright, shiny’ looks of other people often draw their attention, whether it be the jewelry, watches, glasses, eye make-up or belt buckle. What starts as a distraction, is often followed up by checking things out closer. That closer look often brings sensual stimulation in terms of how the person smells, dresses and what their eye color is. The sensual stimulation them provides plenty of materials from which to begin constructing fantasies. It is in the fantasies that the cheater trains themselves to respond to the relationship. They begin bonding with the lover, even before the affair happens. The fantasies often strengthen the bonds so that when the opportunity for an affair presents itself, viola!, “It just happens!” With all the mental rehearsing that went on before hand, they can execute the affair without a second thought.
The whole thing could have been avoided if they had not been distracted by bright, shiny objects. You will need to talk with your spouse about bright, shiny objects, not that they are bad in themselves, it is that they often lead to wanting more, more, more. When there are unmet needs in your relationship, those bright, shiny objects may be coming at a bad time. You or your spouse may be vulnerable to where those distractions lead. If your spouse is easily and often distracted, you will need to talk with them rather than dismiss it as ‘a roving eye’ or just being who they are.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
