One of the observations I have made is that people ignore how problems develop until they are in the middle of them. I realized this on seeing family members in hospital settings.
Once a problem gets to that level of severity, they ask the physician “How did this happen?” In asking the question, they want to know how the problem developed.
Even though the family had access to all kinds of information ahead of time, it was only then they wanted to know how it happened.
I saw it first when my dad was hospitalized. Seeing this unfold, I wondered if the situation I was in was unique. Later, when another family member was hospitalized, I saw it again. The family asked “how it happened” only when in the middle of things.
I’ve also seen this with shame. Although you deal with it as part of daily life, it’s only when things get severe that you consider or ask “How did this happen?”
The simple answer is that it starts with a breaking of bonds in the relationship. The shame you experience is about protecting yourself from something that happened as a result of the break.
As uncomfortable as it is, shame protects you from further problems. The various physiological signals are part of your shame response.
They sound the alarm, alerting you of the need to hide or get away in order to protect yourself. This also applies with affairs. Your shame is signaling you. Problems come when the signals are ignored until you are in the middle of the problem.
It’s when you are deep into the problem, that you start seriously looking for answers, including “How did this happen?”
In the December special report “Affairs and Shame“, which goes out to members of the Restored Lifestyle site, I answer that question and more. It covers what shame is, what it can lead to along with what you can do about it.
Since shame is a major issue with affairs, you’ll want to know how it got there, what it’s telling you and what you can do about it. You still have time to join the site and receive your copy of this report coming out later today, December 15.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
