There are times when addressing affair related topics challenges me. One day posing challenges is that of Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day brings with it a truck load of expectations and baggage. Although each of you has expectations for good things, when there’s been an affair, Valentine’s Day is anything but pleasant.
All the cupids, cards and chocolate only amplify your experience and reminds you how alone and isolated you’ve become.
The day re-opens old wounds. It forces the two of you to face the discomfort of the distance that has developed between you. You may have even told your spouse in no uncertain terms about what they are not to do.
You made yourself clear, “Don’t buy me …….” This time, it’s not being coy, you meant what you said.
Gifts and flowers normally bring good feelings with them, unless there’s been an affair. After an affair, those same gifts have the opposite effect. Valentine’s Day and its associations are turned upside down.
If you’re the cheater, you’ll need a different approach. The old flowers, card and candy routine will have just the opposite effect from what you hoped for.
If you’re the betrayed, all those associations of Valentine’s Day with being special and loved trigger both positive and negative experiences all at once.
You’re not going crazy when all those reactions are going on. All those contradictory feelings are the result of a crazy-making situation and mixed messages. When your marriage is damaged, days like today remind you of how screwed up things are.
It’s at times like these that the two of you need each other more than the chocolate and flowers. You need connection with their heart rather than being bought off with gifts. Although you crave that connection, you may not know how to achieve it.
The video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions” guides you in re-connecting with your spouse. The two of you have lost something. Rediscovering it requires the two of you reconnecting and working together.
This video gives you the tools you need for starting change in your relationship more than any chocolate and flowers could ever hope for.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
