After posting on ministers and affairs, it was clear that there are many of you who are hurting and looking for answers in this area and with this population. When you are hurting, one of the places you may go is to your minister. When your minister takes advantage of your situation, it can leave you feeling more hopeless than before. The person you trusted has let you down and shown that they are like the rest of the world. Infidelity by ministers often carries a special pain, in that the pain of the affair is compounded by the betrayal of someone in the office of minister/pastor/priest/rabbi.
Being in a position of spiritual authority carries with it trust, power and influence. When trust, power and influence are misused, the amount of damage done is devastating. Recovering from such incidents is often a tough struggle. Some people may not believe you. In some cases, even your family may not believe you. Affairs within the ministry carry with them alienation of affection on multiple levels. In addition to the alienation is the guilt associated with such actions.
The number of ministers who are either having affairs or had affairs is troubling. It is not just the ministers, it is also their spouses who find themselves in adulterous situations as well.
One of the tough questions that arises in the aftermath of such affairs is “Can Ministers Be Restored After Infidelity?” This is one of those questions which is easier to ask than to find clear answers that settle things. I want to say that “yes” they, like others can be restored. Although I want every cheater to be restored, there are some that are in so deep, they either do not want to be restored, believe that they are beyond hope or that the damage done is so great that restoration is out of the question. In some cases, restoration brings with it some theological crises in terms of whether what they did is an ‘unforgiveable sin’. My own experiences in working with pastors/ministers has taught me that restoration is possible, desirable and achievable.
Many can be restored emotionally and psychologically, yet their role within divine service will never be what it once was. Shame often keeps many ministers from even seeking restoration. Although they were in special positions, they are not immune from the paralysis that often accompanies shame. They often need greater accountability after the affair. Many ministers have great social skills and awareness of scripture. Those skills often work against them, in terms of either rationalizing what they have done or condemning themselves for what happened. Either extreme becomes self-defeating.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
