My first introduction to misogyny was by a misandrist. The irony of the situation didn’t escape me. The wife came in ranting about how terrible her husband was along with his misogynist ways. Her husband sat quietly as she ‘educated’ me about his misogyny.
Her rant included explicit examples of how she went out of her way for him and now resented him for what she did along with her rage for men in general. When your hatred for your spouse is that intense, it pushes them away rather than attract them to you.
Her last statement was, “How can I make him understand the importance of equality in our marriage?” I said, “You can’t. He already understands it but his respect for you is lacking.”
The look on her face told me she hadn’t considered this possibility before. She started to see the issue from a different perspective and started realizing some new insights on her marriage.
In dealing with their situation, I wondered how does a couple turn into a man and woman hating pair like that along with how can this situation be turned around.
Turning the hatred into love requires letting go of all those incidents and episodes that feeds the hatred. Nursing hurts and disappointments leads to grudges and resentments.
Going out of your way for your spouse is typically a good thing, when it’s done out of love. When you do it as a way of manipulating them or getting something out of them, it leads to resentments.
I also find that pornography plays a role in these situations as well. The consumption of pornography leads to distortions of love and warping of how the opposite sex is viewed. The longer and greater the consumption, the greater the risk of resentment developing.
With heavy consumption, there is greater objectification. Rather than loving your wife, you start treating her as a sexual object put on earth for your gratification.
Any gentleness or compassion is destroyed in favor of demands for sensual gratification.
Although misogyny doesn’t cause affairs, there are some marriages where the two are found together. The cheater has to play mind games with themselves in order to hate their spouse so they can justify doing their cheating.
Turning such a situation around requires effort and many steps. A place to begin is by letting go of the resentments. As long as the resentments remain in place, the likelihood of change is small.
The best way I know of to remove and reduce resentments is by means of forgiveness. Letting go of the resentments is far better than nursing them.
Although forgiveness is easy to talk about, I find that many couples don’t have clear ideas of what forgiveness is really about and how to use it. In the video “Forgiveness :Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the roadblocks”, I share with you what it is and how to use it in your life for making big changes.
Rather than pushing your spouse away, you can instead be taking steps that make it possible for them to enjoy being with you again. Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
