There was a speaker named Greg Harris who often used the illustrative story which included the line, “The best time to plant an apple tree was 2o years ago“. His story comes to mind in dealing with affairs as well.
Although the best strategy would be to avoid them altogether, when people are trapped in them, the time to get out is NOW. Waiting for a better time is often an illusion that distracts and teases.
Delays in ending an affair mean prolonged pain and hurt for those involved. Each delay also adds strength to the bonding between the cheater and the lover.
Each day you stay in an affair relationship, it tears away at your soul and your self image. The longer one stays in the relationship, the harder it is to leave and the more damage it does.
Each day you spend in the affair relationship is investing deeper in the relationship. There are many reasons used in excusing the delays, yet none of them are good ones.
Those excuses may fool your mind and emotions, yet they can be deceived.
Rather than waiting for the ‘perfect’ exit strategy, you may have to just leave. A lame excuse is better than waiting for the ‘perfect’ excuse.
Leaving an affair isn’t easy. The emotional ties make it more difficult.
For your own mental health, you’ll need to leave. The breaking of the emotional bonding comes with time, and choosing not to romanticise what occurred.
When the question is posed, “Didn’t we have something beautiful?“, you will have to tell yourself things like “It was wrong!” or “It was misleading!”, “We were kidding ourselves“.
Each excuse or justification of the affair needs countering with one of these statements. Allowing those thoughts continued space in your head without being countered sets the stage for a relapse.
Allowing yourself to say “Yes”, even with a “Yes, but…” only keeps the emotional ties active.
The best time to leave the relationship was before it began. Now that you are in it, you need to leave now.
If you are struggling with leaving an affair, the support community at Restored Lifestyle includes a section for cheaters struggling with issues like these and more. You’ll also have access to videos guiding you through the break-up along with steps you can take in preventing affair relapse.
Best Regards,
Jeff
