When an affair is suspected, there is a time period where the one suspecting it does not have ‘sold proof’ of its occurrence. During this time, there are feelings of self-doubt. People wonder if they are ‘just imagining’ what they suspect is going on. Some unscrupulous spouses prey on this vulnerability by denying the affair and presenting a series of questions that reinforce the self-doubt. The person suspecting the affair is often caught between what their fears and feelings tell them and what their spouse tells them. They wonder if their suspicions were all a delusion.
In workign with people, I have dealt with genuine delusions, where people believe that they are the ‘master of the world’ or ‘all women love them’, etc. As with all delusions, they are not open to hearing any logical questioning of their beliefs. Their mind is made up and the issue is settled for their purposes. The problem with affairs is that spouses often have inklings or suspicions before the facts come out. The self-doubt leaves them not trusting their own instincts.
The key to discering delusions is whether or not the supicions stand up to logic. The logic I am referring to is the type of logic associated with problem solving. Often times spouses berate their spouse with a series of questions and call what they are doing ‘logic’. In those cases, it is not logic, but rather intimidation. It is important to recognize the difference between intimidation and true logic when struggling with suspected delusions.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
