The comments left by readers are constantly a source of inspiration. The comments not only inspire me, they also let me know what areas associated with affairs haven’t been addressed. Several weeks back, a reader pointed out the need for more material on building resilience after an affair.
Although affairs bring high drama and excitement, they come with a price tag. Part of that price tag is that you are easily caught up in what are called flashbulb moments. Anytime you hear shocking news, it tends to freeze you in time at that moment.
One of the effects of those flashbulb moments is that you fall prey to reviewing the event leading up to the shocking news. It amounts to you being caught up in a replay loop of those events. In some cases, it is a replay of the romantic moments and hopes, in others, you struggle with reruns of the shocking news and ways you could have seen it ahead of time. Although time has moved on since you had the news, your mind and emotions have not moved on. You may even feel like your life is frozen in time at that moment.
Moving on with life after the affair in a healthy manner requires resilience. You need flexibility in being able to move past those moments and replays. One of the ways of developing resilience is by facing your fears rather than running from them.
In my material, I make reference to “telling yourself the truth”, which is my way of saying you need to confront your fears. Facing your fears amounts to running headlong into what you have been avoiding. Staying in the past has its comforts, yet it limits you. Facing your fears allows you to progress ahead.
This often involves exposing yourself to what you feared a little at a time. This may involve dating again or not returning phone calls from your past. Each time you face your fear, it loses some of the control it had over you.
Fear, by its nature, brings with it a desire to run away. Facing your fear involves standing rather than running. In the case of affairs, it means facing the man in the mirror and the true state of your situation. It may also involve a spiritual “Come to Jesus” meeting concerning what happened along with your reaction to it.
I have seen some people run the rest of their lives from affair-based fears. If you want to move past it and have some peace, you need the benefits of resilience. In the video “Overcoming the Affair Crisis” I share ways of facing your fears about the affair. When you are tired of reliving your flashbulb moments, and ready to let go of those fears, this video will give you the guidance you need in telling yourself the truth.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
