How you think about trust
The way you think influences every aspect your world and the way you experience it. Your thought patterns and attitude play a major role in all your relationships and especially in your marriage.
Thoughts about how you want to portray yourself to the world, thoughts about who you are, and thoughts about your personal relationships influence how you dress, how you spend your time, how you spend your money, and the entire dynamic of your marriage.
I want to bring this to your attention because how you think about trust is almost as important as trust itself. Your ideas about what trust is shape how you perceive your spouse, your marriage, and even yourself. What you think ‘trust’ is shapes what you expect of others, including your spouse, and in turn what they can expect of you.
Your thinking about trust also influences what options you see
It’s easy to say “I trust my spouse” or “I don’t trust my spouse”. I have a question for you: what exactly do you mean by that?
When you tell someone “I trust you” (or not), do they understand what you’re really saying? Since the word trust has so many applications, you could be referring to anything from disappointment in your spouse’s handling of some recent situation to your own experience of anxious terror over the idea of what they might do should a certain situation arise.
You assume they know what you are telling them. Everyone does this – words are just symbols, after all, and they can either convey or actually obscure their true meanings.
If the two of you have never discussed ‘trust’ and what exactly it means to each of you, your partner may receive a very different message from the one you intend to send when you use that word, and vice versa.
The way you and your spouse each understand the concept of trust is incredibly important
Many couples, maybe most, simply haven’t discussed it. The word ‘trust’ gets tossed about loaded with assumptions, as if the two of you ‘just know’ what the other is saying. It becomes a bizarre exercise in frustration in which each of you assumes the other just doesn’t get it, when they miss your intended meaning.
Since trust is so foundational in marriage, the two of you need to be on the same page when you discuss it with each other, especially in crisis situations. Playing guessing games and making assumptions doesn’t help – if either of you isn’t sure about what’s being said (or whether someone’s “just being emotional/dramatic”), you need to do something about it; to get back on the same page.
I absolutely believe that with the right tools, most couples can solve their own problems – get your life back to normal, feel good about yourself again, rebuild a strong, trust-based relationship with your partner – and create a happier life together in the process. In my practice I’ve seen it happen time and time again.
Once couples understand what trust really means and how to actively sustain it in different areas of their relationships, it’s like a dark cloud gets lifted. You should see the smiles that come over couples when that dark cloud disappears.
You and I might live far away from each other, but I’d still like to help you. I’ve created a video-based program designed to help you and your family move forward, together, in the comfort of your own home.
Rebuilding trust is the absolute most important thing you can do to get your marriage back on track. It’s a learning process – take the first step today.
Best regards,
Jeff
