In a recent conversation with a peer, John Bradshaw was mentioned. I recalled attending his last public presentation. Although he was wheelchair bound, it didn’t dampen his enthusiasm or spirit.
After rolling himself out to the podium, his weak frame energized as the room. He loved people and it came across. Along with his presentation he excitedly talked of about his joint project on sex addictions with sexual addiction expert Patrick Carnes. They were putting their skills together in tackling this issue.
‘The man who made Oprah cry like a baby‘ and the leading expert on sexual addiction teaming up on this important issue. He was excited about it.
Over the years of working with relationships and addictions, he still loved people and helping others. Although he’s probably best known for bringing the public’s attention to ‘inner child’ issues, which is the issue that brought Oprah to tears. I think his strong point was more about recovery and relapse prevention.
He connected with others in ways that put him ahead of other mental health ‘experts’. This is probably why Oprah had him out to her place for some private work.
Since I lived in the Houston area, where he lived, I saw him in action multiple times. If he was ever speaking at a conference, I made it a point to attend his presentation. I had connections with the Palmer Drug Abuse programs, which he helped found and saw his recovery work in action.
One of John Bradshaw’s secrets for successful recovery and relapse was having the one in recovery state “I need help” about 30 times. It takes multiple repetitions of the phrase to sink into your mind. When you admit you need help that many times, it finally wakes you up to the fact that you need help.
There’s several reasons why this secret works. What matters most is that it works.
Think about what this could do for your cheater. When the cheater admits “I need help” that many times, it starts sinking in.
It’s easy saying it once or twice. With multiple repetitions, reality finally sinks in. They start waking up to the fact that they need help. They not only need help, they need it NOW.
The ‘once and done‘ mentality is your enemy when it comes to admitting help is needed. The cheater needs the humility that comes with multiple admissions that help is needed.
John Bradshaw knew the workings of unhealthy minds. Unhealthy minds need the repetition, they need the humility, they need the confession. When going through affair relapse, you really need this kind of intervention.
In the video, “Preventing Affair Relapse” you’ll learn more about what you need in order to keep it from happening again.
Best Regards,
Jeff
