On discovering your spouse cheating, a major question for many is whether it’s time for counseling or divorce. Although that choice sounds dramatic, what you’re experiencing is dramatic.
Although I have my own biases, let’s examine each option. If you choose divorce, consider what it solves. It severs your legal relationship with your spouse.
It doesn’t remove them from your life, your heart or your head. You also have to consider the long-term fallout that comes with the divorce option. If you initiate it, you’ll be blamed for ending your marriage.
I know that they’re the one who cheated, yet people tend to overlook what triggered the divorce and instead focus on who filed first. If children are involved, they look at who filed, not who’s at fault.
Divorce is also big business. Breaking up families is a way for lawyers, judges and courts to make money from your difficulties.
The more divorces, the more their profits grow. The longer the divorce takes, the more revenues are generated.
I’ve been there and done that. So have many of my friends, colleagues and associates. Divorce is a dangerous option for anyone who values family unity even if only because it will put your finances in jeopardy for years to come.
You’ll be saying goodbye to shared financial assets like your home, your 401k, and even your social security.
In the end, all that changes are the options available to you. It doesn’t solve anything. All it does is dis-solve the marriage.
The counseling option on the other hand gives you and your spouse the opportunity to change. With counseling you give your relationship a chance.
The counseling may be to either bring the two of you together or to pull apart with less drama. There also may be other issues at work that are bigger than the affair. The affair was one person’s solution to some problem in their life.
Counseling, if you find someone experienced with affair issues, provides a way of identifying those problems behind the affair and how the two of you are dealing with it.
With counseling, you can also tell others that you tried before the divorce option is considered. Counseling gives the two of you an opportunity to ‘reload the wagon’ and change how things have been going in your marriage.
It also gives you a clearer conscience in terms of having tried working things out. Trying and failing is a better option than just giving up.
Each choice has challenges with them. Since you have to live with the fallout from each, it’s worth taking your time in considering your options.
I’ve recently had some openings in my schedule. If you’re interested in online counseling or a consultation, email me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for times and rates if this is an option you want to select.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
