Are you reliable? Would your spouse say that you’re reliable? Reliability is one aspect of relationships often overlooked.
When traveling, I use the mile markers. Although some people consider them unimportant, I find them extremely useful. Those signs help me keep my bearings and know where I am at. Not only do they let me know where I’m at, with a few calculations, I also determine the ETA for my destination.
In a similar way, reliability is one of the mile markers of your marriage relationship. It lets your spouse know where they’re at when it comes to trust and security.
Reliability is deceivingly simple. You do what you say you are going to do. You show up when you say you’ll show up. You go where you said you’ll go.
I realize that life often throws curve balls. Things happen that interfere with what you said or planned. How you handle those curve balls communicates things to your spouse. Your actions communicate more than your words.
If you’re in recovery from an affair, showing you’re reliable is a good start. It is a tangible way of saying to your spouse “You can trust me”. Although reliability is not trust, it helps with recovery.
You tend to trust those who are reliable more than the unreliable. You can depend on reliable people. That reliability also adds a sense of security and stability.
There’s also the priority measure. Reliability informs your spouse about what’s important to you. Your reliability is toward someone or something. It may be to your job, your spouse, your church or your lover. Your reliability to one leads to unreliability to the others.
Whatever you are most reliable toward is your true priority. Like a compass pointing true north, your reliability point true as well.
Reliability gives you a measure about your communication. Lapses in reliability often entail lapses in communication as well. Those lapses and miscommunication go hand in hand. There’s also the hidden urge of being dishonest when you’re not being reliable. Honesty about your unreliability poses some challenges.
Reliability is not considered a major mile marker by many. The books on affair recovery don’t mention reliability. Reliability is often ignored or minimized. Those ignoring it do so at their own risk.
I find ‘reliability’ is highly useful. You obtain a measure of communication, trust and priorities. It gives you a measure of the health of your marriage relationship. So the next time you see a mile marker, think about your reliability.
If you need help improving your reliability, consider the 30 Days to a Better Marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
