Back in 2008, Roger van Oech published the book “A Whack on the Side of the Head“. The book not only had a catchy title, it’s contents were also eye opening, much like the title implies.
The book inspired me then and continues doing so. It even came with a set of handy reference cards so that I could continue with on-going creativity insights and revelations.
There have been times when an idea, question or concern hits me like the title of van Oech’s book. I had one of those moments a few weeks ago.
At that moment, a reader posed the question “What does closure after the affair mean to me?” On reading it, that familiar sensation whacked me.
I realized I hadn’t addressed the closure question in a clear, straight forward manner. I also realized that closure after the affair looks very different depending on where you are in the whole affair drama.
What closure looks like for the betrayed is different than what it looks like for the cheater, or the lover. Closure looks very different depending on where you’re standing.
Not only does closure look different, the meaning attached to it varies from each position as well. Closure for some is when there’s finally some relief, while for others, it means the flaming end of their hopes and dreams.
Since closure is such an important topic, I’ll be addressing it over the next few emails. In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I stress that the Affair isn’t over when the cheater quits seeing their lover.
The affair ends when the cheater quits fantasizing and desiring the lover. It’s at that moment that the feelings turn off and even the embers behind it are quenched.
As long as the fantasies continue, you’re still dealing with the affair, even though they aren’t seeing anyone. They may even think it’s over, without realizing that it’s not.
This is one of the reasons that both of you need agreement about when it’s over. The cheater may have a blind spot keeping them from seeing the remnants of attachment you see.
It’s important that the two of you keep working on recovery from the affair until there’s closure. If you need more help with that, you can find it in the Affair Recovery Workshop. In the contents, you’ll discover those hidden corners of your marriage that need attention as part of recovery.
Clink the link to order yours today.
Leaving your recovery before there’s closure opens the possibility of further dangers ahead.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
