There are times when my conversations with others give me new insights and material for consideration. One place is introductions.
When people ask what I do,I can typically count on comments being made when I tell others “I help couples recover from affairs.”
There are times when the whole demeanor of the questioner changes.
Although I thought that the description is pretty clear, but when the neighbor living behind us asked me about what recovery means in terms of healing them, or healing their marriage, it occurred to me that for some it’s about finding their own healing, for others healing their marriage and then there are some where it’s about putting a relationship out of its misery.
This led me to consider “What does it mean to heal from an affair?” For me, the healing is about restoration of communication, improved intimacy and better connection with your spouse.
Healing also includes being able to live life with reduced fears, obsessions and fantasies. In other words, you reach a point in your life and marriage where you can live life on life’s terms.
Rather than living under a cloud of inadequacy and fears of your spouse leaving you or if you’re good enough, you can instead know ways of improving your marriage. You can know how to get them to listen to you, have intimacy on a new level and change dysfunctional patterns in your marriage.
This is very different than reaching a point where you act as if the affair never happened. Healing doesn’t mean that things are perfect or that the affair never happened.
Although your marriage isn’t perfect at that point, it can be delightful and enjoyable. You can learn to enjoy each other once again, only this time with a greater understanding of each other’s needs and weaknesses.
Along the way, there are stages you go through in affair recovery. It’s during these stages you heal with honesty, rebuilding trust, forgiving and changing the way you deal with each other.
Some couples go through the infidelity recovery stages quickly, while others take longer. They may even have to repeat some stages several times.
It’s always better to do it right, rather than rush ahead, leaving items half-done. Efforts at ‘rushing’ recovery don’t end well.
I’ve also learned that the order you go through those stages makes a difference. Approaching affair recovery without a system invites haphazard solutions to your marriage recovering from what happened.
You need a solid foundation for growth before you tackle many of the changes needed in your marriage in terms of communication, intimacy, changing patterns, and role expectations are addressed.
In my series, the “Affair Recovery Workshop“, I guide you through those stages in an order that brings healing to your marriage as timely as it can while covering all the bases needing attention.
There are times when you need extra attention along the way. This is why your purchase of the workshop gives you my assistance with your questions or concerns. When you purchase the workshop, your questions move to the front of the line for my assistance.
The workshop is a condensed version of counseling where you receive the information you need for recovery in a concentrated format rather than it taking weeks or months of going to the counselor.
One of the important questions you can ask is “How can I make this work in my marriage?” Be willing to ask questions like that at the places you go for help.
With the workshop, the two of you can be working to improve your marriage rather than planning out your latest strategy for outwitting your spouse.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
