At the encouragement of Mick Jagger, Tina Turner recorded the song, “What’s Love Got to do With It?” The song went on to become a hit for her, despite her initial reluctance about it.
I thought about that song on reading an article about testosterone and affairs. The headline stated, “Higher testosterone levels linked to a higher probability of infidelity in men, study finds”
I started singing to myself “What’s testosterone go to do with it?“
The headline grabbed my attention, although I am skeptical of the findings. The study was limited to a little over 200 men and on top of that the infidelity rate was in the 30% range.
The numbers just don’t line up with other research. Given that the medical community is also expressing alarm at the plummeting levels of testosterone in men today, the findings don’t add up for me.
If the testosterone levels were increasing and the percentage of men have affairs were higher, then I could see a connection.
Research like this tells me that people are looking for answers. They are looking for some explanation behind affairs. Rather than looking at morals, commitment to marriage or choices made by cheaters, they instead want to find genes or hormones to explain affairs.
It’s as if they want to find the magic chemical bullet that explains cheating. Somehow the chemical makes cheaters do what they do.
Such research takes all responsibility away from the cheater. If there is a chemical source, then that chemical is demonized and seen as the villain.
When the chemical is to blame, the cheater becomes another ‘victim’. All responsibility and accountability for their choices is taken away.
When it comes to recovering from an affair, the cheater needs to assume more responsibility, not less. Taking the responsibility for the affair off of them, also means they won’t assume responsibility in recovery as well.
In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I guide you in opening up discussions about the affair, along with ways of turning your marriage around. The interventions involve the cheater accepting responsibility for their choices.
This is totally different than blaming the affair on their hormones or genes.
Recovery from the affair means that the two of you need to do something different, Changes are needed. Changes involving responsibility rather than avoiding it.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
