There are times I wish that the feelings associated with relationships could be turned on and off like a light switch. If I could find that switch, it would helps thousands of people and at the same time, make me a millionaire and then some.
At this point, such a switch with instant results doesn’t exist. You may be one that believes in love at first sight.
Even in those situations of ‘love at first sight’, there may be an instant interest, yet the true feelings build over time.
This also means that when its time for relationships to end, it takes time. They don’t go away all at once. There is no ‘closure at first sight’.
The affair may end with a phone call or text message, yet getting over it takes time. The aroused emotions aren’t so easily turned off.
This means as part of your marriage recovering from the affair, each of you needs time for grieving. You need time to let go of some feelings along with the cheater letting go of their feelings.
Affairs are surrounded with loss. In order for an affair to happen, there are loses. With an affair, everyone loses something.
Eventually everyone touched by the affair loses. In recovering from those loses, each of you will go through various forms of grief. They can’t be avoided or bypassed. You will experience loss.
As weird as it sounds, the cheater will need to work through their grief about the affair, much like you need to grieve over the changes in your marriage.
Going through grief is normal. Grief isn’t about romanticizing what happened. Instead, it’s about bringing the situation into real life. Grief is about being realistic concerning what happened and what was lost.
Grieving also involves giving each other the emotional space they need while going through it. You may want to speed up grieving, but that never ends well. Speeding up grief only means that it’s shut off prematurely. Prematurely terminated grief is unresolved grief.
You want the grief resolved and over with. When your marriage has recovered from the affair, the grief will be resolved as well.
If your marriage needs help in ending the affair, consider the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”.
When the feelings that came with the affair are finally diminished, it gives more room for your marriage relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
