Lately, I’ve encountered an uptick in the number of people struggling with their guilt reactions after cheating. These reactions are happening with cheaters and first time swingers.
They’re genuinely surprised at having guilt reactions. Once the reactions kick in, they start asking “What have I done?” They’re genuinely shocked at the reactions they’re now experiencing.
Inside my mind, I want to ask them “What did you expect?” There are always consequences for the choices you make. This is the law of cause and effect.
They really believed they would experience sex without guilt. They believed they could gratify themselves outside of their marriage without reactions. Their reasoning told their mind that’s what would happen.
The only relationship where you can experience sex without guilt is in your own marriage. You won’t find it outside your marriage.
When you use your reasoning in justifying an affair or swinging, the guilt reactions are a reminder that you crossed a moral line. No matter how you rationalize whether or not that line exists, the guilt lets you know it does.
Those guilt reactions function like a warning system alerting you about the need for action. That warning is a call to action.
You can claim that such a line and the guilt reaction is nothing more than a mental construct made by others or that its an archaic object. Such reasoning only redirects who or what to blame.
No amount of blaming will balance out the guilt you’re experiencing. Whether you believe it or not, the affair or swing crossed a moral boundary. You crossed the line and your guilt is reminding you of it. Your body knows the truth even though you may have fooled your own mind.
You now face the choice of whether you want to resolve the guilt issues or kick the can down the road and put it off a bit longer. Putting off dealing with it, only allows the guilt to fester and grow larger when you do face it.
You may think you want to be in a better place when you face it. There’s no better time or place than now and where you’re at. You can start dealing with it now.
In the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” you’ll find a starting place for dealing with what happened and the reactions going on inside of you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
