One method used by social engineers in changing culture is by ‘redefining normal.’ By changing your reference point of normal, they change society.
By stretching the definition of ‘normal’ to include affairs, your marriage is threatened. You do not want to be viewed as abnormal, so what can you do?
The “Normal” Danger <<– listen to the audio here
Hi, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. I’m glad that you’re here today and that you’ve decided to tune in on this podcast. The topic we’re going to be dealing with today is the “normal” danger, or if you will the normal danger.
One method used by social engineers in changing culture is redefining terms. And in the case of marriage, when you start redefining what is normal for a marriage it changes the whole definition of what marriage is and what your relationship is.
By changing your reference point, or what you call normal, it changes the whole thing.
There are increasing pressures by many forces in society to redefine marriage in terms of what’s considered normal. Part of those changes include stretching the definition of normal to include affairs.
Essentially they’re trying to get you to become much more tolerant of infidelity, because ‘normal people have affairs’. Or at least that’s the lie that you’re presented with.
And that affairs just happen. No, they don’t have to just happen, and we’re going to be talking about that.
Because when these social engineer types are changing the definition of marriage it does pose a threat to your marriage. And you need to be aware of that, and we’re going to be talking about how to respond to that.
Because each of us wants to be liked, we want to be considered normal, and when the definitions of what is normal are changed, it leaves you feeling very uncomfortable. We’re going to be talking about that and what you can do.
Before I lead the discussion of the normal danger, let me go ahead and give you a story that will help keep things in perspective.
As a counselor, many times people approach me is this normal, is that normal. They ask me questions like that quite frequently.
In the back of my mind I keep thinking normal is a setting on a washing machine. That’s about the only place that you find normal all the time.
Some clients I will go ahead and tell them that, and they can accept it. There are some people that aren’t ready to come to that reality that there is no “normal” that they have to be like. And that creates some confusion for some people.
But if you keep in mind the mental picture of a washing machine as we go through this, because some of you when you say I want to be normal, I want to have a normal wedding, I want to have a normal marriage, there is no normal.
Normal, if you are desperate to come up with a definition, what works for you, what kind of marriage will work for you and your spouse is more what you should strive for, as opposed to how society defines it through the movies or music, pop culture.
Okay, in terms of the answers. The answer is going to be the three R’s. The three R’s are resist, remember, and reduce.
- Resist the “herd mentality” When it comes to your marriage. Your marriage is a special relationship between you and your spouse. The two of you have to define what is routine and what is normal for you, rather than allow some outsider or some social engineer or pointy-headed education geek telling you what’s normal and abnormal in your marriage.
You and your spouse need to be the ones to decide that is normal for your marriage. Not them. And it is up to you and your spouse to decide.
2. Remember your wedding vows. You made a promise to each other that was until death do us part. Not until marriage fidelity is out of fashion.
Now days marriage fidelity is seen as something almost like fashion. It may come in and out of style, and those kind of whims do not provide a stable foundation for a marriage.
And you’re going to have to resist the temptation to just go with what’s popular or what’s in style, when it comes to your marriage.
You made the wedding vows until death do us part. And you need that kind of serious commitment in order to have a solid foundation for your marriage. That’s why that’s included as part of your vows, so that you have a solid foundation, you have a sense of commitment.
Not a sense of conditional like, as long as you two like each other, and as long as it’s in both y’all’s interests to stay together, and as long as it’s in fashion for y’all to stay together, to stay together.
If you want your marriage to last it’s going to take more of a serious commitment rather than what’s fashionable.
3. Reduce your exposure to those influences. And by those influences, I’m referring to those people, the social engineering types, who are trying to redefine marriage and family. You’re going to need to reduce your exposure to them by changing your marriage in terms of cutting out those things.
If it’s TV’s, if it’s music, and you start to hear those messages, turn it off. You want to reduce those things. Quit going to those clubs or those places that have those kind of messages, because the less you’re exposed to it the less vulnerability that you’re going to have, the less likelihood you’re going to give in to it.
If you’re at those clubs, you’re at those places quite often, and you’re exposed to that message over and over again, it is going to work on you. Because many times we think well, I’m strong enough to resist it.
No. When you are bombarded day after day, pound pound pound, it hits you again and again, it will start wearing you down. Rather than have to fight it all the time just reduce your exposure to it.
Go over the three R’s again. Resist the herd mentality, remember your wedding vows, and number three reduce your exposure. Between those three that will help you in terms of the danger from normal.
The struggle that you are going through, the questions that you have, may help many other people.
Best Regards,
Jeff
PS-If your marriage needs strengthening up, the “30 Days to a Better Marriage” course is one of the best ways of improving communication.
