Cheating forces you and your spouse to make changes. The change is forced upon you. It is harsh and swift. You may found yourself being dragged kicking and screaming into changes you never wanted to make.
Change may be long overdue in your relationship. Having changed forced on you is more difficult than when you make a choice to change. One of the harsh realities about change, is that when it occurs, there is also resistance. You may want to take your marriage to exactly the way it was before the affair. You may want your relationship with your spouse the way it ‘used’ to be. Your desire for taking it back could be a form of resistance to change. I understand that you did not want to make any changes. With what has happened, things have changed.
Part of the healing process requires that you accept that change is needed. Once changes begin, you can redirect it, you can alter the course of change. Rather than resist the change, learn how to make it work for you.
Some areas that you can improve while change is underway include:
1. Changing the roles that you and your spouse are in.
2. Change the way that you and your spouse talk. Rather than talk at each other, talk with each other.
3. Establish times for the two of you to have fun times with each other.
4. Establish regular times for the two of you to talk and ‘be’ with each other.
5. Establish better ways for the two of you to resolver your conflicts.
Taking things back to “the way they were’ before often runs the risk of recreating the problem again.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
