A reader wanted to know about ‘cheating and marrying someone with a mental disorder’. Since they didn’t clarify beyond that, it left me wondering what they meant by their question.
I’ll approach it from the perspective of a cheater marrying the lover only to discover they have a mental disorder, since the sentence construction suggest that.
When you’re in the midst of cheating, you’re likely oblivious to any faults of the lover. When you’re in the middle of the affair fog, you only see the positives.
One of the things my father told me was “If you can get into a girl’s pants, it’s likely you’re not the first and won’t be the last.” Although I scoffed at the time he told me that, I’ve seen it proved over and over.
When your lover has poor enough impulse control to jump into an affair, it’s not a good sign. The same poor impulse control that leads to an easy affair is also the same poor impulse control found with many mental and psychological problems.
When they can’t control their sex drive, what makes you think they’ll control their anger, revenge, rage or other strong emotions?
Think about that for a moment.
The same part of their brain controls all their strong impulses. When it weakens and loses its’ ability to contain impulses, its not selective. When the controls are broken, they’re broken across the board.
It’s not likely that the lover who spontaneously had an affair with you will suddenly develop healthy boundaries and self-control once they marry you. Poor self-control doesn’t work like that.
Marrying a lover with poor self-control amounts to taking on someone with heavy baggage. You thought you had problems before.
The affair should’ve alerted you to potential problems. Poor impulse control signals problems ahead.
Once you’ve married the problems, you’re faced with finding ways of dealing with them. You’re likely taking on more problems than you had with your previous marriage.
Blended families can function, although it requires more effort than natural families. Not only does it require more effort, blended families also bring with them other problems as well. You inherit new sets of problems where you have little or no control over.
Although I view easy affairs as a danger sign, you instead saw it as fun and exciting. It certainly will be exciting, yet in ways you never imagined.
When you’ve jumped into the deep end and find yourself floundering, you’ll need serious help. Recently some opening in my schedule became available for counsel and consultations.
Now is a good time for seeking help before the holidays are here. The holidays bring out the worst in dysfunctional families and their poor impulse control issues. Rather than being caught off guard and being a victim, you can instead take action now and work on finding ways of making things work.
You can contact me via email for times and dates available. The earlier you call, the better the selection you’ll have.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
