Living with a liar creates ripples of problems. These problems acts like scars that change you and the way you deal with each other. The obvious one is that you aren’t sure what to believe.
One of the secondary problems concerns the adjustments you make in continuing living with them. When you know they’re lying, it leaves you a limited number of options.
One is that you only believe half of what they say. This puts you in a guessing game about which half to believe.
Whether or not you want to accept it, the longer you live with them, the more your own brain adjusts to the environment filled with lies and the more scars you carry. Your mind finds some way of living in such an environment.
In adjusting to the environment that can’t always be trusted, it starts filtering out much of what’s said. Your mind just starts ignoring many things. You hear noise in your ear, but it doesn’t register.
Another option is believing them, yet adjusting your expectations. In this case, you view the lies as their ‘intentions’, yet keep your expectations realistic. In this case, you avoid disappointment yet still maintain connection with them.
In this case, your brain lacks enthusiasm, even for the potential good news. It has learned not to emotionally invest in things that can go sideways.
You can always choose not to believe the lies and confront them. This leads to uncomfortable situations and potential conflicts. In order to confront them, you always have to be on the lookout for facts and truth.
Even when you have truth and facts, there are discussions on which version of the truth is the one that both of you can agree on. Haggling over versions of the truth gets old quickly.
You may love them, yet the constant strain of haggling puts a strain on the relationship. It may even drive you to the point where you scar yourself as an expression of the pains you carry on the inside.
What I’m saying is that when living with a liar, there are secondary effects. There are scars it leaves on your heart and mind.One of those secondary effects consists of the changes you make in your own thinking.
Even after they start telling the truth, those scars remind you of what you’ve been through. The scars of living with a liar include suspicion, second guessing their motives and wonder what’s really going on.
What’s needed at those times is a healthy dose of trust. The two of you need trust in your relationship.
In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, you’ll find ways of re-establishing trust. You’ll also learn about the component that many other ‘experts’ leave out. That one component is essential in having a foundation of trust in your marriage.
Order your copy of “How Can I Trust You Again?” today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
