Yesterday I shared with you about when an addict (or cheater) relapses. That response focused largely on the addict and what happens with them.
Since relapse, whether it be from drugs, alcohol, love addiction or sex addiction impact more than one person, it’s important considering the other parties. When the addict or cheater relapses, it triggers many things.
One of the sensations you’ll experience with a relapse is fear. It may be fear of the unknown, fear of the past, fear of being vulnerable or many other associated items.
What is certain is that your fears distort your thinking. Fear will have you reacting and jumping to threats both real and imagined.
At those times, your mind starts jumping out of the present. When that starts happening, you lose peace of mind and control.
No amount of obsessing about the relapse or your fears will fix it. The obsessing only reinforces your feeling out of control. The truth is, at this point, you are out of control.
The one that’s in control is the addict, and they’re in a blind tailspin. Even when in that tailspin, their mind returns to its prior training. It goes back to what it knows.
An addict relapsing tests the relapse planning you and your spouse did. You find out how well you prepared in terms of what to avoid, who to call, and what the next step is.
This is all important to remember since any infidelity they engage in isn’t about rejecting you as much as it’s about escaping their pain. Sex during relapse is about escaping pain, not about falling in love.
That doesn’t make the affair go away. It does provide context that helps you come to see it in a different light.
If you have a history of having experienced trauma, the relapse can also re-activate those sensations. The closer the relapse is to what you went through the greater the risk.
If you find yourself struggling with their relapse, consider the video on Overcoming Affair Trauma. You can get unstuck and move on with life.
In it, you’ll find valuable help on healing your emotions and mind after traumas knock your world.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
