As a counselor, one of the things I look for when reading mail from readers with questions is patterns. The patterns help me understand what they are struggling with.
I look at common themes, the words they use and emotions expressed. Those patterns provide me with a road map of the issues the writer is stuck in.
Since many of the younger generations use google maps, they don’t appreciate the value of a good road map. A good map not only gives you the route, it also provides you with alternatives and lets you know what to expect ahead.
Part of pattern recognition includes knowing what comes next. When you know the pattern, you know what to expect. Knowing patterns also help me in dealing with infidelity.
Anytime an addict relapses, the risk of an affair rises. Like clockwork, when the relapse happens, they go into a tailspin.
When they’re in the blind tailspin and heading downward, the hope is that the damage will not be too extensive.
While in that blind tailspin or self-destructive binge, they make choices based on urges rather than with their mind. Those episodes leave you feeling helpless in terms of doing anything about it.
When you know their triggers, you have some idea what started it all. That can help you develop an idea of their current struggle.
The ones that get you are the unknown triggers. With unknown triggers, you have no idea what set them off and whether this will be a slip or a full-blown relapse.
Although I call them ‘unknown’ triggers, when you’re familiar with the addicts patterns and emotional state, you develop awareness of how vulnerable they are at a particular moment, time or place.
These episodes are also a reminder of the importance of good follow through when it comes to dealing with affair relapse, and any relapse in general. You can’t anticipate everything, but you can develop a pretty good sense about issues surrounding relapse.
In the video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse“, I share with you many of the patterns and issues you need to be aware of. You can know what to talk with them about ahead of time along with coming up with a plan for handling whatever challenge comes up.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
