The other week a reader wrote me asking what I viewed as the main reason for adultery. I shared with him that although there are many factors behind adultery, one of the main culprits is ‘selfishness’.
Since that time, I realize that selfishness is merely the start. I also draw a distinction between self-care and selfishness.
Selfishness is not always bad, yet when it develops a predatory desire, it turns destructive. When selfishness viewing others, their relationships and belongings as prey, it’s a problem.
When that predatory desire is activated, the mind starts looking for ways of making it happen. At that point, all that matters to the cheater is the gratification of their desire.
The predatory desire blinds them to the consideration of consequences. They don’t care what it will cost them, or who finds out or what lies they have to tell. “They want what they want when they want it and how they want it”.
Predatory desire keeps them from seeing any type of cause and effect related to their actions. They are oblivious to who is impacted or how they are impacted. At that point all that is considered ‘collateral damage’.
Predatory desire is also strong in terms of how far it takes the cheater. It always takes them further than they ever intended to go. When the cheater states “I never intended for it to go this far”, they are making an honest statement.
What they’re not telling you is that they gave into their desire so much that they lost their self-control. They turned the control of their emotions and mind over to the desire and it took them for a joy ride.
The cheater made the choice to give into their desire. They wanted the affair so much, they let all the events happen.
When you don’t stop the affair early, you lose the ability to stop it. They found it out the hard way.
If you are facing a situation where the predatory desire took over your spouse, there’s help. In the video , “Overcoming the Affair Crisis“, you’ll find where you need to start in dealing with the situation.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff Murrah
