One of the previous emails that generated many responses asked the question “Are you being groomed to cheat?” The number of responses told me that this is a concern for many of you.
I realized after writing it that the topic needs further attention. It’s likely that grooming is going on that you never considered. The most powerful grooming is often the one you don’t see.
The grooming I’m referring to is the ‘normalization’ of affairs. With clock like regularity television programming gives you hour after hour of infidelity. That kind of exposure starts shaping your thinking on the topic.
Have you noticed that when couples engage in infidelity on television, they rarely express grief or repent their actions. The shows portray gratification without responsibility.
Think about how watching hours on hours of this will change your thinking about affairs. It makes them seem normal and routine.
When in graduate school, one of the courses I took that opened my eyes concerned the effects of television on you. At that time, shows like the Brady Bunch, Julia and many of the Saturday morning shows were focused on normalizing blended families and single parent homes.
The programmers worked hard at removing the social stigma associated with divorce and the ones surrounding single parent families. I’m not sure if they were successful, I do know that there are many more of each of them these days.
The course made me aware of the techniques used in shaping your thinking and your values. By viewing such situation so often, you begin accepting them as ‘routine’ or business as usual.
You not only see them as routine, you take the emotional distaste out of them as well.
Professor Jib Fowles knew the power of image in shaping your thinking. He said “thus, the imagery in advertising, trying to stimulate the consumption of a particular commodity, will concentrate more on social appearances then on emotional invocations.”
When you view the many episodes of affairs without repentance or consequences, it softens you up to accepting those situations and outcomes. You are being programmed in the images to accept cheating as normal and routine.
I also know that gratification outside of marriage has real-life consequences. Separating the two creates instability and unsound thinking. The affair may have happened recently, yet the softening up has been going on for a while.
This means recovery from the affair is not just limited to getting back together again. It also includes getting yourself and your thinking back together.
This is where the support community at Restored Lifestyle can help. You can be with others who share your views and validate your concerns rather than viewing you thoughts as not in keeping with the time.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
