In working with affairs, I hear the wide variety of excuses given for infidelity. The excuses shift the blame away from the cheater.
When the blame can’t be shifted away, it’s spread across all parties involved. The spreading of blame is apparent when the excuse for the affair is “the cheating was mutual.”
In saying the cheating was mutual, blame is spread around and no one is taking responsibility. It comes across as a monkey see, monkey do kind of scenario.
When each of you are blaming the other, no one is taking responsibility for their actions. Mutual blaming only keeps the dysfunction going. It feeds into a cycle after cycle of problems.
When you’re tired of being on the merry-go-round and want off, it requires taking responsibility. Different different outcomes require making different choices.
Mutual cheating is a close cousin to revenge affairs and paybacks. When you fight fire with fire like this, it only leaves you burned out and have a scorched earth kind of marriage.
Taking responsibility also requires stop blaming others for your choices. Having an affair because they had an affair isn’t taking responsibility, it’s looking for an ex-cuse. The only thing that will come of it is the creation of an ex-spouse.
When ex-cuses are given, they’re looking for a way off the hook. They are avoiding responsibility.
Taking responsibility is also the way to start recovering your own emotional health and clear thinking. It takes you from just reacting to where you’re actually making conscious choices.
Taking responsibility also involves accepting the consequences for your choices. This means there will be some pain. Pain in this case is part of the healing process. Jumping into an affair to avoid pain actually has the opposite effect in the long run.
Going through and getting past that pain the admission ticket to functionality and healthier relationships. In helping you get past the affair and keep it gone, consider the video “Overcoming Affair Relapse“.
Being responsible also means shutting the door to the affair and keeping it shut. Rather than keeping patterns of dysfunction in your life, now is the time to change that.
Click and download the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
