For a few years, my sons accused me of “cheating at life”. They viewed my training in psychology and vocation as a counselor merely ways of cheating life. They considered my knowledge and experience as ways of avoiding the ups and downs of real life.
Although they’ve changed their opinions, the days they made those accusations have stayed in my memory. I can’t say that they were totally wrong. There was a time when my father-in-law died when I tried avoiding the pain of grieving.
Being aware of the stages of grief, I tried circumventing the pain. I thought that I could ‘take a short cut’ and avoid the hurt and discomfort.
My effort was futile. Grief and the pain of loss caught up with me. At that moment, I realized you can’t cheat or take shortcuts when it comes to life events.
In my case, I had to learn the hard way that the only way of dealing with grief was working through it. You can’t go around it.
That episode came to mind when someone wrote wanting ways of beating the Affair Fog. They wanted a way of getting around the experience.
The Affair Fog is one of those life events you have to go through rather than around. There are ways of lessening the negative impact of it though.
Going through the affair fog is an issue for both the cheater and the betrayed. For the betrayed, there’s the challenge of regaining connection with their spouse.
For the cheater, the fog brings a time of uncertainty, fantasy and escapism. They live in a world where unrealistic possibilities sound feasible and the real world is something to avoid. They try living with a foot in each world and being torn between values and desires.
The fog changes how the two of you communicate and deal with each other. It’s also something that has to be worked through rather than finding ways around it.
Finding ways of cheating your way around unpleasant times is part of what contributed to the mess in your marriage. The reality is that the two of you have some work ahead of you in order to recover from the affair.
Instead of looking for a way around things, give yourself the tools you need for working through them. In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll be given the tools you need.
You’ll discover ways of getting past their defensiveness, learning how to re-connect with each other and what areas need changing in your marriage.
Click and download your copy today. Instead of looking for an easy work around that ends up creating more problems, go ahead and work through the issues that come with the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
