Have you ever considered affairs as a form of abuse? In using the definitions of the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual), there are many aspects of affairs that meet the criteria. Things like interrogating the victim, stalking, threatening them, forcing sexual acts upon them, making someone think that they are crazy along with many others.
Although the definition is ‘in the book’, putting it into practice is a whole other matter. Over the years, I’ve seen numerous diagnoses in the books that clinicians seldom or rarely use, no matter how often people come into their offices with them. At times it may be related to not being paid for certain diagnoses or a matter of avoiding the stigma that such a diagnoses would carry with it.
If they did diagnose you as being abused, there are some powerful stigmas associated with it. If your spouse was given the label of ‘abuser’ it carries massive baggage with it as well.
When it comes to affairs, society maintains a schizophrenic double standard. Some pop culture publications openly advocate for affairs as a way of ‘improving your marriage’. I doubt that the same publications would publish an article “How Abuse can improve your marriage“.
I doubt they would even talk about “How a weekend of being abused changed my life”. Such titles would be ‘over the top’. Despite being over the top, they don’t mind promoting affairs and sleeping around.
At the end of it all, it’s important to understand that affairs can be considered a form of abuse. It’s not always easy to recognize and sometimes even harder to talk about but it is very real and people need to be aware of it.
I doubt those publications ever consider that affairs never happen in a vacuum. There are always behaviors that go with them. Besides being forced to accept a sexual scenario you didn’t ask for, you are ridiculed if you question it, at times you may be threatened or made to feel like you are the one who is crazy.
By separating the affair from the other behaviors, they compartmentalize them. That way, they can go on their happy way promoting affairs and not feel guilty, much like cheaters do. Since they compartmentalize, they can also advocate against abuse. The public never catches on to the sleight of hand that just happened.
Affairs and abuse go hand in hand. They are linked, even when you don’t want to look at the ugly truth.
The good news is that you can move past those damages from the abuse. Your emotional bruises and mental anguish don’t have to continue. You don’t have to lose any more sleep or overload your mind wrestling with these matters.
The video on “Dealing with Affair Trauma” guides you past the damages. You don’t have to continue carrying that emotional burden any more. You can instead know ways of getting unstuck and being freed from the chains of abuse.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
