Yesterday, I addressed the topic of the effects of repeated false accusations of an affair. Since I focused more on the accuser with that post, I thought it necessary to view the matter from the viewpoint of the accused.
When you’re repeatedly falsely accused of having an affair, it wears on you. Those false accusations get old. At times you may have even told yourself that “I’ll give them something to accuse me of!”
I have to mention a couple of extreme scenarios. They both fall into the category of strange but true.
Some spouses go so far as to not only falsely accuse you of an affair, they even go so far as to identify who you should have the affair with. These situations are dysfunctional.
If you’re in such a situation, I encourage you to resist the urge. There is more going on than meets the eye and giving into that urge only makes things worse.
Another extreme situation that happens is when the false accusations are part of an exit strategy. Making accusations at those times are about wanting a divorce and looking for an excuse.
Assuming your marriage is not one of the extreme cases, the repeated false accusations are telling you something. They either see one of your blindspots, or they continue struggling with insecurities.
If they are pointing out a blind spot, you may be exhibiting signs of having cheating on your mind, but haven’t crossed that line. Try identifying what they are noticing about you.
On the other hand, if your spouse has insecurities, you need to know what they are along with having a plan for dealing with them. If you’re unsure about how to identify them, then you’ll benefit from the video on improving communication within your marriage.
In the video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”, I share ways of improving the communication and intimacy between the two of you. It could be that with a few adjustments that the insecurities will fade.
Dealing with them can open up new opportunities in your marriage, assuming you know how to identify them and talk about them.
Click and download the video today. You’ll have the tools you need for getting past defensiveness and anger messages that interfere with your relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
