I used to have no idea if a marriage in the throes of an affair could be saved.
I would be sitting there, counseling a couple and wonder if we were just wasting our time. I hadn’t been counseling long enough to know the tell-tale signs of whether a marriage could weather this storm.
Here’s what I do now:
If I’m working with a couple and I want to know the chances of marriage survival, I’ll gently ask these 10 questions:
1. Did your spouse try to hide evidence of the affair?
2. Does your spouse avoid eye contact with you?
3. Does your spouse avoid discussing the topic of the affair?
4. Has your spouse had more symptoms of nausea, upset stomach, or other gastro-intestinal complaints since you discovered the affair?
5. Has your spouse changed their routine since you discovered the affair?
6. Has your spouse paid more attention to you since you discovered the affair?
7. Does your spouse avoid using or mentioning the word “divorce”?
8. Does your spouse show a regard for the children and their reactions to the affair?
9. Does your spouse have religious convictions against divorce?
10. Does your spouse spend 5 or more hours talking with you each week?
Believe it or not, just three “yesses” to these questions tell me there’s a good chance your marriage can survive.
What were your responses? Leave your comments below.
