Jealousy & Insecurity

Jealously and insecurity often go together like peanut butter and jelly. You will find that these two emotions are often entwined within each other.

When you experience them, they attack the spirit of oneness in your marriage. They create tension and distance between you and your spouse. Although they’re often found together, it is typically insecurity that happens to you first. When you are insecure, resorting to jealousy is of then the way many people deal with the insecurity.

Like its cousin, “anger”, jealousy is often part of a secondary reaction. Jealousy is used in dealing with and covering up insecurity.

When you’re insecure, anything or anyone that encroaches on your spouse is viewed as a threat. These threats may be real or imagined. You may even start feeling threatened by those with confidence or when anything threatens your confidence. These threats can include when your spouse talks with someone you view as more physically attractive or smarter than you.

Jealousy is based more on mental assumptions than actual facts. The real action behind jealousy is in your head in the form of fantasies. When the fantasies are played out, and you are threatened by them, jealousy is used as a response. If you do not remove the fantasy, it will merely find something or someone else to be jealous of in the future.

Here is the typical sequence of events:

Insecurity–> Fantasies –> Jealousy

The real root of the problem is your insecurities. You need to deal with the issues there. Insecurities can stem from many things.

There could be unresolved childhood issues, emotional distance between you and your spouse, inadequate communication, a potentially threatening lover, sexual addictions, unmet emotional needs, unmet needs in other areas that are being projected into your marriage relationship or other issues.

Whatever the source, the insecurities need to be dealt with. They will not go away on their own.

If you find yourself struggling with jealousies and insecurities, you can do something about it. You don’t have to resort to control games. Instead, you can do something about it with my video on “How to Rekindle Closeness and Regain Satisfaction“.

When you have closeness, there’s no room for insecurities.

Best Regards,

Jeff