A reader facing a challenging situation wants to know how to deal with it. The situation he faces is where “my wife cannot stop making false accusations.”
False accusations of an affair are damaging. Although no affair has occurred, the accusations themselves damage your marriage.
In asking for help, he states she ‘cannot’ stop making the accusations. In using the word ‘cannot’ it’s clear that she makes accusations and all the efforts at stopping them have failed.
When accusations are made, there’s typically something that triggered them. Baseless accusations are rare.
You may consider them baseless, but your spouse may be seeing something that you’re missing. It may be an attitude, or distance that they are picking up on.
False accusations signal other issues going on. Ignoring the accusations means that you’re at risk of ignoring the root issue behind the accusation.
First, find out what they are basing their accusations on. It helps when you know what’s triggering the accusations.
It could be rumors from friends, trust issues, growing emotional distance, changing priorities, mental health concerns, trauma reactions or other root issues. They may even be expressions of her fears of losing her mind or losing you.
The only way you’ll find out is by hearing them out and identifying what is bothering them.
The sooner you address accusations, the more manageable the situation will be. Putting off talking to your spouse only makes the situation worse.
You may consider them ‘false’ accusations, but your wife is reacting to something. Ignoring their concerns will be viewed as ignoring them.
Your ignoring of her concerns and dismissing them may even leave her feeling like she’s losing her mind in a ‘gas lighting’ kind of way.
Once you know what the root issue or secret fear is, it makes problem solving easier. One thing that will need attention is that of rebuilding trust in your marriage.
Anytime there are ‘false accusations’ one of the areas damaged is that of trust. The trust will need your attention as part of rebuilding your marriage.
In the video “How Can I Trust Him Again?”, I guide you through the requirements for trust and what is needed in order to rebuild damaged trust.
Having trust in each other reduces false accusations. It also reduces the risk of affairs.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
