My wife often forwards articles to me that she believes I would be interested in. They cover a variety of topics and have enriched my life in many ways.
One of them raised the question of whether or not you deserve a successful marriage. Although asking someone “Do you deserve a successful marriage?” seems odd, the answers are quite revealing.
I uncovered that after reading one of those articles my wife sent me. In the recent article, the writer stated, “I believe, that I sabotage myself because I feel I don’t deserve to succeed because if I succeed I will do what I’ve done in the past…”
His words struck me as something that some of you encountered. There are some spouses who don’t believe they deserve a successful marriage.
When their marriages are functioning well, they find ways of sabotaging in out of fears that the good times won’t last. One of the sabotage methods of choice is by having an affair.
Having an affair or even paying for sex is a sure-fire way of damaging your marriage. When this kind of sabotage occurs, it’s not that the cheater dislikes you or is disappointed in you. In such cases, the affair is truly not your fault.
With this kind of affair, the cheater believes they don’t deserve you. They view you as ‘superior’ to them in some ways. They may even make remarks about how ‘you’re too good for me’ or ‘I don’t deserve you.’
If you hear such remarks, it should shoot off a bright sparkly yellow flare warning you of an impending risk of an affair. When your spouse seriously believes such statements, trouble follows.
Self-talk is a way of programming your mind. When the self-talk of the cheater focuses on not deserving you or being married to you, they’ll eventually do things to make that happen. They may even have an affair with someone who is so totally loathsome to you that you have to reject them.
The twisted irony is that this kind of self-deprecating talk is another form of selfishness. They remain very self-focused, although in this scenario it’s on their inadequacies.
Your spouse in such cases has some distinctive needs. Meeting them and moving the cheater out of that way of thinking will take MORE than just a few encouraging words.
In the video series I put together as the “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll find ways of turning your marriage around, including initiating talks about needs and the roles each of you are in.
Your marriage needs more than just understanding what happened in the affair and it being apologized for. The workshop guides you in how to make those other changes as well. Order your copy today and start changing your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
