One of the more painful moments I experienced in working with couples came from a husband on a Tuesday night. He was a new client. Although he wanted to appear composed it was clear that he was in pain.
He was holding things together for his children, yet once alone with him, the extent of his pain was clear. It was about halfway through our session that he finally began crying over his wife’s affair.
The crying turned into weeping and sobbing.
The moment that was most painful for me was when he pleaded “How could she do this?” with all his heart. What made it challenging was that his voice quivered in pain as he said it.
He was distraught at how his wife was doing things with the lover that she never did with him or anyone else. She engaged in sexual behavior that was outside of her value system and way outside of her husband’s comfort zone.
The husband was stunned on many levels. He couldn’t believe his wife had an affair. He also couldn’t believe that she did the things she did. He was totally lost.
I realize know that part of his plea was a cry for help. Another part of it was him searching in vain for an explanation that made sense of what he just discovered.
At that moment he wasn’t ready to hear what makes such radical changes in the cheater possible. If I had told him then, his emotions would not have let him hear it.
Since then, I’ve heard that same question many more times. I’ve also heard from cheaters who couldn’t believe things went as far as they did. The phrase “I never intended for things to go that far” is often heard.
How could she do this is not a question without an answer. Neither is how did I let thing go that far.
Researchers are understanding more about relationships and what makes those kinds of changes possible. In a special report I am sharing with exclusively with members of the Restored Lifestyle support site, “How Affairs Hack Your Brain“, I address how such radical change is possible.
Affairs create an environment where radical change is possible. When you know what causes it, you’ll have a clearer idea what to change and where to do it. You’ll also know how often that change is needed in your marriage.
You still have a couple of days to sign up for the special report. I don’t sugar coat how it happens. When you are recovering you need straight answers to your questions. Even when you don’t like what you hear.
If you are still in the midst of the pain, you may not be ready for this. If you are ready for the next step, join the site today and find the answers you need.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
