Lies, fantasies and hiding are often a big part of the affair relationship. The reasons for how each of these starts is varied. The portion that I want to draw attention to in this post is hiding. Although it may start as a way to keep the awareness of the affair away from the spouse, the hiding quickly becomes a game that both husband and wife become involved in. The adulterer often believes that they are smarter or more clever than their spouse. The spouse knows “I’m not that dumb”, and has their own form of trickiness.
I learned a lot about the hiding game from playing with my dog. Although our interaction did not start out as a game, it quickly becomes one, with my dog hiding either from me or hiding something I am looking for. He seems to enjoy it more the more frustrated I become.
In a similar manner, the hiding game often escalates, with the real payoff being how frustrated and aggravated one spouse can make the other. You know it is a game when both know that the affair exists, but they are playing cat and mouse about the details. The two spouses play a form of hide and seek with cell phones, credit card bills, phone records, toll booth records, computer records, etc. They both dance around the facts, with one denying anything until there is proof, even though both of them know what is in fact occurring. When the game gets to this point, it is no longer about whether or not an affair is occurring, it is more about the emotinal reactions to what is going on. The ‘winner’ is the one who can emotionally set off the other one. When the emotinal explosion occurs, there is often the ‘grin’ that comes over the other one’s face signifying-“I got ya”
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
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