It still breaks my heart to read emails from those of you who continue struggling after the affair is over. The common theme is that the cheater is back, yet they’re caught in an emotional wrestling match.
Even though the cheater is back with them, they’ve lost their love of life and have started isolating themselves. Having someone back who’s not really with them is heartbreaking.
Fear dominates their thinking and daily lives. They feel trapped and vacillate between staying or leaving.
The desperation comes across in their emails. They start off wanting to write a quick response and end up writing more than they intended. The feelings just start pouring out.
My hope for these couples is that they can find a way to survive the affair and rebuild their relationship.
It’s important for couples to talk about things that matter, including how they cope with feelings of insecurity, anger, sadness, and betrayal.
In many cases, they’ve gone to a therapist or support group along the way. Even with that help, they feel like they’re still treading water in their marriage relationship.
They struggle with questions regarding how they got into the mess they find themselves in. They want to know why things aren’t better now that the cheater is back.
In reading the emails, I know the answer to “how it happened“, yet in most cases, they aren’t ready to hear the answer. They still look for the answer in their relationship with their spouse.
The cheater brought things to a head, yet the root of where it comes from goes back further. This is why the Affair Recovery Workshop addresses family patterns as part of affair recovery.
Although you may not want to accept it, 60% of affairs are part of long-term family patterns. Those patterns shape your behavior in powerful ways. Your behavior is being triggered by forces you don’t see.
When your spouse returns home, it doesn’t mean that everything is over. The root source of the relationship problems still needs your attention.
Even when there’s not a pattern of affairs, you may find some trauma bonds there that made you vulnerable to the problems you now wrestle with. The baggage from your family of origin spills over into your marriage.
Identifying and addressing the issues stemming from those traumas or inadequate parenting is an important part of you recovery from what happened.
You can order the Affair Recovery Workshop now and start dealing with important areas within a few minutes.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
