Rather than wait until an affair happens, it is important that you define what behaviors and attitudes that you will not accept in your spouse. You need to define your boundaries clearly when it comes to questionable behavior. Will these boundaries keep an affair from occurring? NO the boundaries will not keep someone determined to commit adultery from doing so. What the boundaries will do is keep you from feeling so lost and adrift when trauma of an affair hits. When you know where you stand, you have some direction.
Another one of the many scars of an affair is that it puts those damaged by them morally adrift. Suddenly you may find yourself unsure of what is right, what is wrong, and which direction you need to go. Do you want them back? What can be and what can not be forgiven? Many issues that were very clear before the adultery are now muddled. This confusion is part of the natural reactions to the upheaval that just occurred. So when such times hit, do not think that you are a bad person or that you lost your faith, due to the confusion.
The preventative is to have clear boundaries. Once an affair occurs, clear boundaries are still needed, although they may be more challenging to come up with. The boundaries provide a reference point or starting point if you will.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
