In previous posts I addressed what happens in the cheaters brain during an affair. A reader alerted me to the need for a post on what happens during the affair in a general sense.
The affair changes all parties involved. The affair changes the betrayed, the cheater and the lover. Since I’ve addressed the brain changes, the focus is on the other changes.
Since affairs involve secrecy and deception, one of the first changes is that truth is denied or twisted so that the affair can happen. With truth being damaged, the effect is that trust is diminished.
This includes the ability of each of those involved to trust others and themselves. The only way the affair continues is by believing lies and deceptions.
The longer the cheater stays in the relationship where truth is twisted and lies are common, the more accustomed they’ll become to lies. After long enough, they will be able to lie without and tinge of guilt.
Another event is that the cheater and lover develop an intense self-focus. They start thinking only about their own sensual gratification instead of the consequences of their actions.
Their thinking is on how things impact them, without regard to its impact on others. It’s about their needs, their self-esteem, their future. In pop culture it’s summed up with the phrase “It’s all about ME!”
The affair also effects their sex drive. The effect shows up as changes in their sex drive, either up or down. They may even start wanting to bring some of their habits into your marriage.
The cheater will also seem distant. Their body may be with you, yet their mind is elsewhere. This has to do with the inability to maintain internal consistency between their inner world and outer world in the midst of an affair.
Some cheaters take steps at improving their health or hygiene. They start taking better care of themselves and dressing up when they go out. This change in self-care will be packaged as taking better care of themselves, which contributes to their own self-deception.
You’ll also see them being more protective about their cell phone. The protectiveness will he surrounded by claims of privacy and referring to you wanting to see it as an ‘invasion of privacy’.
When you see these signs, it’s time for action. The longer you ignore these signals, the bigger the problem grows. When you see them, it’s time for the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis“. In the video, you’ll discover what to do rather than wandering around feeling lost and confused.
Click and download your copy of the video today. Within minutes, you can start handling the situation that’s happening to you right now.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
