In considering how many of your marriages are facing challenges, you may find yourself wondering “What happened?”. In your search for answers, you may have considered whether ‘marriage ‘ has changed, values have changed or if it is the culture that has changed. You know that you feel ‘under attack’, yet wonder if those feelings are real. Yes, those feelings are real. Yes, your marriage is under attack, and yes, the culture is changing. There are some groups and people who do not like marriage. They do not like the whole idea of family. In pushing their ideas, they have made it a point to attack marriage any way that they can. They know that strong marriages mean strong communities, which mean strong culture. Since they want to change the culture, the only way to accomplish that is to weaken marriages and families.
They may not attack you openly. It may be through downplaying the importance of marriage, and playing up the so-called fun of adultery and affairs. They know that infidelity is a sure way to weaken if not destroy marriages. Although these groups have not destroyed marriage, they have managed changing the values of the culture and making it harder to keep your marriage intact. The pressures couples face now are more challenging than those faced by previous generations. You are not imagining things. It is harder to keep a family together now than it was for your grand parents, or their parents. Affairs have always been around, the challenge in the times in which we live is that they are easier to occur now and there is less societal disapproval now. In previous ages, people were shamed into behaving right. Those checks and balances are no longer there.
The rewards are worth the effort. Keeping your marriage and family together, even if it is just some of the pieces is worth it.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
4 Responses
You said to keep it together “even if it is just some of the pieces…” How do you do that? I have struggled to feel whole since my husbands affair in 2011. I don’t feel the same way about him. How do you keep going through life in pieces?
Stephanie,
Thank you for writing. Affairs have a way of fragmenting our lives. They literally break them up into little pieces. If you prefer little fragments of memories and episodes. Keeping together the little pieces often involves identifying what is needed to resolve or ‘make whole’ each episode. Trying to do it all at once is overwhelming. Take one piece find out what is needed and resolve that one, THEN move on to one more piece. Start with the toughest one first, then move on to the easier ones.
Jeff
Great article! I agree 100% we need to keep our marriages and families together. my parents have been happily married for 44yrs now, I want to follow their footsteps and grow old together.
Daisy,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I do hope that you and all the other readers can learn from others and keep their marriages together.