One of my grandmothers made it a point of leaving out an ingredient when she gave her recipes to others. People often liked her cooking, in fact, to this day, people still rave about her enchiladas.
When I asked her the reason for leaving an ingredient out, she said “So they won’t taste the same. When other people make the recipe, something is missing. They’ll still prefer mine since it tastes better.” When she explained it, the situation suddenly made sense to me.
Since then, I’ve discovered other women who have some similar habits.
In a similar way, when it comes to trust and rebuilding it, I’ve found that an ingredient is often left out. I included it in my “Trust Formula”, yet the other products are often missing this key ingredient.
I’m not sure if they are like my grandmother and intentionally left it out, or they haven’t discovered it yet. The missing ingredient makes a huge difference when it comes to rebuilding trust.
That missing ingredient is ‘commitment’. When your marriage is missing commitment or the commitment is conditional, your trust will suffer.
If you want to begin rebuilding trust, one of the most important things you can do is to recommit yourself to your marriage. Make a decision that you are going to fulfill your vows and responsibilities.
One of the weaknesses of second marriages is that your commitment is conditional at best. You’re willing to commit up to a certain point. Once that point is reached, you have little hesitancy about bailing out on the marriage.
You may have even told your spouse about that limit during one of your ‘discussions’ with each other.
Affairs test your commitment, especially during recovery from the affair. When your commitment is conditional or limited, your marriage has an expiration date. Recovery from an affair uncovers what your real commitment to your marriage is. It separates out your intentions from your commitments.
Conditional commitments are a touchy topic that may explain some of the reason ‘commitment’ is left out of their trust programs. I see no way around weak commitment when it comes to rebuilding trust. There is no substitute for this missing ingredient.
What about you? Want to know how to rebuild the damaged trust in your marriage? Do you want ALL the ingredients for trust? If you do, I suggest you order the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” and start making the needed changes in your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
